Feels

Depression is basically like falling into a hole, but no one sees you fall. It feels like a downward spiral, with a hard rock bottom. Once you hit the bottom you can barely see the light at the top, but you can see people peering down at you. The worst part about those people looking down to you, is that only a few will actually help you, most want nothing to do with you and your “negative” ways.
My depression is weird, I used to think it wasn’t good enough compared to the depression of other people. I used to think that no one cared to help me. That was until I realized that no one was helping me because I wasn’t letting anyone. I don’t let anyone in, that’s my problem. I have walls, I try to take them down and become comfortable with people and more outgoing..but depression is home to me. It’s easier for me to be sad, it’s easier for me to be quiet and shy and let people walk all over me. And even though that’s easier for me, it doesn’t mean that I like falling into my depression holes. It doesn’t mean that I don’t need someone to help me back on my feet when I fall. Because I do, and there’s never anyone there who sees me falling.
Over the course of this year I’ve been dealing with the emotional strain of my parents court battle over us moving. It’s just beginning to really hit me now how upset its making me. I hate not knowing what my future is going to be. And what’s pushing me further down in the hole this time is that my step father is giving up on us. I’m so sick of everyone giving up on me always.

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