9/11/13

Yesterday in most schools around the United States there was a moment of silence to honor those lost in the 9/11 terrorist attacks in 2001. However, in some schools this moment was considered an unnecessary thing to do. When asked to justify their reasoning, staff at the schools would give excuses rather than reasons.
I go to a school in upstate New York near the capital. I was shocked when it passed 12:00 and we still had no mention of doing a moment of silence. Being one to speak out I went down to the office and requested justification for the lack of respect. I was taken into the assistant principles office and told that they didn’t “have” to have a moment of silence since it wasn’t a “significant” amount of time since the attack. I was super confused so he went on to say “Well lets pretend you had cousins in the school one town over and their school didn’t have a moment of silence and you tell them we did, it makes their school look disrespectful.” Well doesn’t my school not having one make us disrespectful? When asked to justify their reasoning to parents a few years ago for not having a moment of silence my school used the excuse that they couldn’t explain in to young children. That is a ridiculous reason because it is the most direct way to teach them.
I personally am very concerned about the fact that my school refused to have a moment of silence because we are still in the time frame that it could have been someone’s parent who was killed in the attack. My father was supposed to be in the towers that day but was sick so he stayed home. I am very thankful he was sick that day. Because of this direct personal connect I believe that my school should not simply not have a moment of silence.

To be honest I am ultimately done with the way my life is going now. I’m just done with the fighting and being unsure about my future. If I even have a future. I just need to get out of this situation, but its beyond my control. They say you should learn to accept things you can’t control, but how do you accept those things if they’re what is leading you to a downward spiral. I feel like I have to walk on thin ice with everything and stay near the edge so in case the ice breaks I have something to grab on to. The only problem is that what I’d be grabbing on to is weak also and will break in time. There are only a few things that make me happy, and those things are being demolished by those around me. I just don’t want to deal with this anymore because the further into this situation I get, the worse and harder it is. And there’s no one there to help me. I know it won’t get better ever because in the end nothing will be the same and my life will be in crumbles.

Feels

Depression is basically like falling into a hole, but no one sees you fall. It feels like a downward spiral, with a hard rock bottom. Once you hit the bottom you can barely see the light at the top, but you can see people peering down at you. The worst part about those people looking down to you, is that only a few will actually help you, most want nothing to do with you and your “negative” ways.
My depression is weird, I used to think it wasn’t good enough compared to the depression of other people. I used to think that no one cared to help me. That was until I realized that no one was helping me because I wasn’t letting anyone. I don’t let anyone in, that’s my problem. I have walls, I try to take them down and become comfortable with people and more outgoing..but depression is home to me. It’s easier for me to be sad, it’s easier for me to be quiet and shy and let people walk all over me. And even though that’s easier for me, it doesn’t mean that I like falling into my depression holes. It doesn’t mean that I don’t need someone to help me back on my feet when I fall. Because I do, and there’s never anyone there who sees me falling.
Over the course of this year I’ve been dealing with the emotional strain of my parents court battle over us moving. It’s just beginning to really hit me now how upset its making me. I hate not knowing what my future is going to be. And what’s pushing me further down in the hole this time is that my step father is giving up on us. I’m so sick of everyone giving up on me always.